Orlando

This wasn't what I was planning on publishing today. I had another blog half written when the events in Orlando occurred. Two days ago, I woke up and put on a pot of coffee to brew and was preparing to finish the blog entry I had started. I opened Facebook while I waited for the coffee to be done. That’s how I found out that the worst mass shooting in the history of our country was being reported. As this was sinking in, I found out it’s a hate crime against a community to which I belong in many ways, not least of all as the mother of a gay man. Another attack was thwarted the next day at the Pride festivities in Los Angeles, where my son lives. We all know the story now and if you don’t, I’m going to ask you to please google for details because I won’t relive the horror of them on my blog. But I want to talk about the aftermath.

Being an empath is not something I do. It’s not even who I am. It’s what I am. So I’m going to start with how it affected me as an empath. Originally, I had no intention of writing about this event. I was driven to my knees in horror, grief and rage. I sobbed…no actually, I wailed. Things like this affect everyone to one degree or another, and some empaths, if not most, can feel the collective’s feelings all at once. This is because a good percentage of the world is watching at the same time so the focus is heightened from an energetic standpoint. Empaths don’t just sense energy. They are one with energy. The only way to manage it is to continuously raise your energetic frequency to the maximum level of self-awareness you can in order to stay grounded in your own energy (how to start the process to do this will be addressed in my next blog). Once you can do that consistently and effectively, which takes years of practice in many cases, you are then able to tell the difference between yourself and another and that is when you can give good empath readings to others. It is a never ending process, in my opinion.

The good thing about experiencing the emotions, thoughts and feelings of the collective consciousness of humanity is that you have a psychic sense of society once you learn how to manage it. The bad thing is you feel it all – the good, the bad, the ugly. I can feel the anger, the fear, the hatred, the rage, the love, the happiness, the bitterness, the sadness, the grief, the shock, the absolute heartbreak and terror, the joy at finding out a loved one is okay, the guilt of finding out a loved one is okay and on and on and on all at once. When something impacts humans on a large scale, it feels like a tidal wave of energy to me. If the event affects me personally, as this one does, it’s much, much stronger. So at first, the shock and the trauma was too intense and I couldn’t even look at the news or social media without breaking down, let alone write about it.

But waves, even tidal waves, ebb and flow and as the shock, horror and terrorizing scenes flashing through my mind began to ebb, my actual thoughts started coming back to me instead of the auto-pilot function in my brain. The LGBT community was targeted, not because of who they are, but because of what they are. Period. Not only do I identify on the spectrum of LGBT and not only am I a mother of one of these beautiful souls, I know what it’s like to be targeted for what you are in other ways. Psychics aren’t burned at the stake as witches anymore, but we are often demonized by ignorance and bigotry. Women are constantly targeted for being feminine. Etcetera.

I’m writing from the vantage point of a psychic-empath-medium, but this article is being written as a human being trying to cope. One thing that everyone knows about me is that I talk, walk, teach and preach about not making decisions from fear. Every decision made from fear carries a lesson and it’s usually not a lesson you’re going to like because it’s rooted in that dark part of your soul where your fear lives and breathes. You know, the stuff that stinks so we avoid it. When you make a decision from a place of fear, something almost always goes wrong. When you are self-aware, it’s easier to identify when you are making a decision from fear and consciously choose a better option. I’m not saying it’s easy or that I’ll judge you if you struggle with this. I’m saying it’s necessary if you want to stop living a stressful, shitty life.

So what are some examples of making unconscious decisions from fear? The biggest one is masked as caution. Have you ever heard the saying, “better safe than sorry?” Yeah. This is a touchy subject because I know there are people out there who will ask me if I’m saying do whatever the hell you want and consequences be damned. Uh, no. Every choice you make has a consequence, for better or worse, so use your brains please. Another good saying that promotes decisions from fear is, “Plan for the worst and hope for the best.” Yeah…no, thanks. I’m going to plan for the best and choose not to be afraid of what I hope for getting fucked up. When I’m not freaking out about it or silently dreading a disaster, it’s easier to be self-aware and make intelligent decisions. When you take failure out of the equation, it’s easier to find solutions.

I’ve known people who genuinely felt that heading off problems was the way to approach everything and inevitably, they had to deal with a shit ton of problems that they actually caused by trying to avoid problems. Then they get mad when they get called out and act victimized and unappreciated when all they were trying to do was HELP.

The bottom line is this: focus on what you want and don’t focus on what you don’t want. That’s all there is to it. Don’t plan for ways to get what you want just in case, for some unknown reason that you fear, you end up with what you don’t want. You’ll almost always end up with some form of what you don’t want first. That’s self-sabotage! When I embraced this concept, my entire life was transformed. As I root out the fear in my soul, the results of my choices get better and better. So I refuse to make decisions from fear and the moment I catch myself doing so, I make another choice. It’s a much rarer occurrence than it used to be. But then the hate crime in Orlando hit my reality.

When you are convicted about something so strongly, you will be tested. It is what it is. I’ve been tested every which way on this particular philosophy and I can tell you from experience that the hardest transition I’ve ever made is the one where I stopped making decisions from fear (when I can help it). It was well worth it, absolutely. But it has been and is challenging at times. This attack, by far, has been one of the most difficult challenges to my fearlessness. The first thing I wanted to do was stop going to nightclubs, gay or otherwise, and a half a second after that I decided that both of my grown children should cease this activity as well and that I would tell them so immediately. Then my mind went to all of the other unsafe places that would also be eliminated from our itinerary this summer. Parades and festivals were scratched off the list. Luckily, I have good spirit guides who sort of intervened and shut down my access to communicating with my loved ones in those early moments of processing the unthinkable.

Next, I considered moving out of the United States. I felt a burning hatred for all of the bullshit, corrupt leaders, the ignorance and the stupidity that is constantly being stirred up. I hated the haters for a while because I’m so sick of their fucking asses! What is so hard to understand about other people actually being as human and valuable as you are? I was in shock and I was having a natural reaction to being terrorized. My country and my community were terrorized by someone who, in my opinion, reasoned his decisions that night in the same way that our government leaders, judges, and presidential candidates reason their decisions - irrationally. I feel this way partly because of all of the other recent headlines too.

Although I can write another entire article on the subject, I’ll just say I believe our system has a lot that needs to be fixed and that we have nobody who is ready, willing or able to fix it in a position of authority, including the presidential candidates in this election year. Anyone who tries, without removing 90% of who is already in charge hits a brick wall. That’s a problem we need to face. You can’t fix a problem you won’t admit you have. How many more of these horror stories do we have to endure before we awaken? If America collapses, would I even care anymore? These are the thoughts that ran through me.

But then I remembered who I am. I am a person who doesn’t make decisions from fear. And then I remembered what I am. I am a healer. I am an empath who works with high frequency energies. I am protected by Love in all I do. Fear is the opposite of Love. Fear destroys love when it’s allowed to. But the good thing is that Love overcomes fear 100% of the time…when it’s allowed to. If you love yourself, you won’t make a decision that doesn’t reflect love for yourself. It’s very simple, especially when it comes to everyday matters. Are you afraid to fall in love because you might get hurt or because that person may not live up to your expectations? You’re giving your potential partner power over all of your fears and guess what? You’ll get what you fear because you gave away the power to make you happy to someone else. The only one who can truly use that power is you. But with love, comes trust, and if you trust yourself to love yourself, you’ll be okay no matter what you decide. You can’t prevent someone from choosing to hurt you but you can control how you will react to their actions, whether you believe so or not.

There are things I instinctually fear, like death. I’m not the type who is going to run into a burning building to save a dog and if a dog is trapped in a burning building, I doubt any amount of love is going to save it. It might. I’m just saying. But it won’t be my love because I love my own life more than that dog’s life. Somebody more important than a dog would have to be in there in order for me to go in after them. Otherwise, I’ll probably wait for the firetrucks and hope the dog makes it. I know people who would disagree with me and they would go in after the dog. I say that those people have big hearts and small common sense and hey, that’s their own choice. I can understand how some people prefer pets over humans, if I’m honest. I’m just not one of them.

On the other hand, I’m not going to avoid going into that building if it’s not burning just because it might catch on fire while I’m inside. That would be making a decision from fear, not instinct or self-preservation. When you turn this around and apply it to a festival or a nightclub or a parade, it’s much easier to say no, no, no - I didn’t make that decision from fear! I made that decision from a place of self-love because I don’t want to die! That’s fear. It’s also what terrorists who commit hate crimes want us to do. Those of us who were adults when the Twin Towers went down remember this healing process well. Of course, those terrorists didn’t discriminate the way this hateful person did. Isn’t it saying something when Al Qaeda looks at us all as equal American souls but Americans don’t? Something to ponder, I guess.

I mentioned that empaths are healers. Empaths, aware or unaware, heal others by healing themselves. It’s like a paradox. So many empaths believe it is their life’s mission to heal other people’s hearts and minds. It kind of is, but you don’t do it by turning outward. You do it by turning inward. At least you know to turn inward when you’re doing it consciously. When you’re doing it without awareness, you will simply absorb other people’s illnesses and problems and make yourself sick while they go along their merry ways after receiving your healing energy that you didn’t know they were exchanging with you. Most empaths who are unaware have no clue just how unbalanced they are. They think they’re helping and they are, but at a huge expense – their own well-being, which isn't helpful to anyone in the end. Unfortunately, they aren’t even helping as much as they think because they’re just feeding energy vampires and it’s a temporary fix.

As a society, and especially for empaths like me, the most important thing we can do when something like the Orlando massacre happens is process our own emotions surrounding it before we address others. It’s okay to grieve with others, but many empaths don’t even know how to do that. They put all of their own emotions and needs to the side in order to comfort those around them because it is an instinct for us to heal others first in order for us to feel okay. Grieving with others isn’t fixing them though. It’s sharing and it’s allowing. There is a tendency to believe, sometimes very firmly, that we heal ourselves by healing others when it’s really the opposite way around.

Fixing is a little different from healing. It implies brokenness. A lot of empaths will automatically tell someone what to do to feel better. Trust me, people don't listen to that because you aren't listening to them. The empath will think they're being caring and compassionate but really they are operating from fear - fear of feeling that person's emotions a moment longer than necessary. It's scary for an empath to allow someone to have what we perceive as negative emotions without doing something about it. We don’t realize that this isn’t sustainable for many years because it’s happened to us since birth. Typically empaths will come from a family that magnifies this trait. In many situations, solving a person’s problems for them is a relief at first because then we don’t have to feel it anymore. This isn’t healthy. It reflects a severe lack of boundaries and a fear that we will never be okay if those around us aren’t okay.

Remember, empaths don’t just relate to how you feel. They actually feel exactly the way you feel when you’re near them. If their personal feelings match your own in any way, then what an empath feels is not just double the intensity but more like 3 or 4 times the intensity (or more – multiply that exponentially when something like a mass shooting happens). If the other person’s feelings are eased somehow, then the empath’s feelings will be eased tremendously as well. Empaths can be so desensitized to our own traumas that we will mistakenly believe that we are okay at that point too, even though we may be exhausted or ill from the energy exchange. Most empaths have never known anything different because of their inherent lack of boundaries until at some point they learn about this stuff, if that ever happens. Many empaths work in humanitarian fields because of this and it’s admirable.

However, giving and giving without replenishing and receiving is not sustainable. Those empaths are often the ones who burn out in the end and kind of just quietly disappear or sometimes they develop strange illnesses and/or die young. So, first thing on the agenda is to process and heal your own emotions to the best of your ability. The reasons for this are two-fold. First, it’s so that you don’t get sick or burned out. Second, it’s so that you are projecting the correct energy for healing once you go out into the world to help. Empaths are compelled to help in any way they can. In a situation where they feel helpless, they will often crumble though. Healers we are, yes, but it’s not likely that we are going to be able to fix or even help things like murder and terror. But there is something we can do.

When an empath is healed and grounded in self-love, instead of absorbing people’s pain and heartache, they actually help others process and heal those emotions just by existing and having contact with another person. They don't really have to say or do anything. It just happens naturally. A healed and balanced empath will beam out Love and compassion in all directions rather than absorb and be weighted down with pain. A balanced empath will allow emotions and feelings to flow through them without getting stuck inside of them. When they personally share the pain others feel, they don’t stuff it down and hide it from people to protect them from it like an unbalanced empath will do. Instead, they will express their pain authentically and their authenticity is healing and validating to others who are experiencing the same pain. Both the empath and the person they have contact with will sometimes heal at the same time. It’s amazing and after experiencing it so many times it becomes addictive (in a good way).

So the balance I’m trying to strike here is to honor my grief and emotions and allow them to flow through me until they’ve run their course. Now that the shock has worn off and I’m catching my breath again, every chance I get I will be focused on what I want, which is to love myself and to love others. For all the pain I allow myself to feel, my compassion builds at a larger and faster pace. The more I focus on what I want, the more love pours out of me and I heal more and more with each breath. When I sit and focus on things I can’t control, my anger, my outrage, etc, the more those things will magnify as well. I don’t want that so I will only focus on it when I need to express it authentically and get it out of my energy in order to heal.

We are NOT helpless. There is a lot of dark and malevolent energy being stirred up and passed around. Will you participate in spreading love or will you participate in spreading fear? I believe that if as many of us as possible can focus on what we want, which is love hopefully, things will begin to shift for the better. It’s so hard at times like this because we feel the fear when we’re traumatized. We’re human and we can’t help it. But we choose where to put our focus. You can’t stay balanced if you deny your fear, but you definitely don’t have to feed it and grow it. Enjoy today without fear because tomorrow isn’t promised by Fate. Be authentic! Be who and what you are with joy in your heart. It doesn't have to be love for anything specific. Anything you love will do for a focal point. Just get your focus off of all the hatred and fear flying around.

You know I have to throw just a little bit of astrology in here. Neptune stationed retrograde the day after the massacre in Orlando. This is often associated with a wakeup call and the rose tinted glasses get ripped off. Because Neptune is a planet that affects generations of time, I’d say Orlando fit the bill for America that day. Neptune retrograde isn’t always associated with tragedy, but Mars, Saturn and Pluto are all retrograde too right now and those planets can bring harsh lessons sometimes. Please let this be a wakeup call. Please don’t let it go the way we let so many things of this nature go.

I want the people who died to be remembered. I want this event to be a catalyst for policy changes. I want people to tap into their human hearts instead of their prejudiced minds. I want Americans to stop giving their power away and acting like zombies and psychos. I want the world, collectively and individually, to become aware of their similarities and focus on that instead of their differences. I want the world, collectively and individually, to become RE-sensitized. I want people to wake up! I want to give and receive love. I want this to be a turning point in America, spiritually and morally. Does what you want line up with what you are focused on? Now is a really good time to examine it if you don’t know for sure. May Love and Peace be with you.

Please feel free to share your thoughts or comments below. Thank you for reading through all of my rambling on the subject. 
 
      

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